The tendency to forgive in dating and married couples: The role of attachment and relationship satisfaction

Given the positive benefits associated with interpersonal forgiveness, the current investigation examined the tendency to forgive in romantic relationships. Two studies tested the hypothesis that the tendency to forgive mediates the association between attachment models of self and other and relationship satisfaction in dating (n1⁄4 184) and marital relationships (n1⁄4 96). In addition, the extent to which the tendency to forgive predicts forgiveness of an actual transgression was examined among married couples. The tendency to forgive partially mediated the relation between model of other (relationship partner) and satisfaction for those in dating relationships and for husbands. For those in marital relationships, the tendency to forgive partially mediated the relation between model of self and satisfaction. In addition, for wives, endorsing a greater tendency to forgive was related to forgiveness of an actual transgression, regardless of the severity of that transgression. For husbands, endorsing a greater tendency to forgive was related to forgiveness of an actual transgression, but only for more severe transgressions. Results are discussed in terms of who is more likely to forgive and the role that the tendency to forgive plays in romantic relationships. Interpersonal forgiveness is gaining increased attention (Emmons, 2000; McCullough, 2000; Worthington, 1998a), as it is thought to promote long-term physical and mental health benefits (Berry, Worthington, Parrott, O’Connor, &Wade, 2001;McCullough et al., 1998). Consistent with this viewpoint, interventions to promote forgiveness have shown increases in self-esteem, hope, and positive feelings toward the offender and decreases in depression, anxiety, anger, grief, and revenge against the offender (Hebl & Enright, 1993; Al-aMabuk, Enright, & Cardis, 1995; McCullough & Worthington, 1995; Freedman & Enright, 1996; Coyle & Enright, 1997). Forgiving thoughts have also been shown to lead to lower physiological stress responses (Witvliet, Ludwig, & Vander Lann, 2001). Most of this forgiveness research, however, has focused on forgiveness of a single, specific transgression and has not examined forgiveness in the context of intimate relationships. This is important as multiple transgressions are likely to occur in the course of a relationship and many of the transgressions will have the potential to disrupt the relationship (Fincham, 2000). The tendency to forgive is likely to be particularly important in relationships, and we therefore, as a result, investigate the tendency to forgive in this context. Defining Forgiveness Despite the lack of a consensual definition, most researchers agree that forgiveness concerns a decrease in negative feelings and an The preparation of this manuscript was supported by a grant from the Templeton Foundation. Correspondence should be addressed to Lorig K. Kachadourian, Department of Psychology, University at Buffalo, Buffalo, NY 14260, USA; e-mail: [email protected] Personal Relationships, 11 (2004), 373–393. Printed in the United States of America. Copyright # 2004 IARR. 1350-4126/02